I love a good MILF. There’s just something about a woman who doesn’t let motherhood strip away her confidence, and rather uses the new chapter of her life to become a better and badder version of herself. So imagine my excitement at Keke Palmer’s post-pregnancy glow-up. I mean, I have no desire or interest in becoming a mother, but Palmer’s recent glow-up is definitely great propaganda for pregnancy… That was until her baby daddy used a Pretoria man’s social media app to mum-shame her.
Keke Palmer’s Mum Shaming
This past Wednesday, Keke Palmer lived out all our childhood dreams when she was serenaded by Usher during his Las Vegas residency whilst looking incredible in a sheer black dress. As the video made rounds on social media, Darius Jackson, the father of Palmer’s baby boy, quote-tweeted the video. Jackson commented on Palmer’s choice of wardrobe in a manner that wasn’t exactly supportive.
Once his mentions got hot, Jackson doubled down on his statement.
What does expelling a child from one’s uterus have to do with what they choose to wear or how they choose to navigate the world?
The only tradition men respect is oppression
I’m sure that Jackson’s issue with Usher serenading his baby mama had more to do with the fact that Usher could easily snatch her up. That said, let’s delve into his point about being a “traditional” man.
Jackson claims that he’s a traditional man, yet he opted to not only have a baby out of wedlock, but also to take a back seat and allow his partner to be the breadwinner whilst he remains the bread.. not winner. I’m not sure which part of the traditional man Jackson is emulating when Keke Palmer is the main source of income, and he’s essentially the black Kevin Federline.
Jackson wasn’t worried about tradition when he decided to have premarital sex, have a child with a woman that’s not his wife and allow said woman to earn more than him, so why the sudden concern about traditionalism?
Well, it can be one of two things.
Firstly, he’s concerned that his ‘homeboys’ are going to clown him about his baby mama fawning over Usher. So, instead of texting, calling or even sending her a DM on Threads (is that a thing?), he had to score points with the manosphere.
He did this by proving that while Palmer may be the richer and more accomplished one in the relationship, he is still THE MAN of the relationship and can put her in her place.
Chosen motherhood is not a prison
The second reason why Jackson was so comfortable calling out Palmer on social media is that he likely believed that the public shared his patriarchal views about motherhood.
I’ve made it clear that I have no desire to have children, and mothers who have spoken to me opposing this decision don’t argue about the joy of kids when encouraging me to change my mind. In fact, it seems that they want me to have kids because they had kids, and it doesn’t seem fair that I get to experience this form of ‘freedom’ that evaded them.
Chosen motherhood is not a prison, but for some reason, individuals like Jackson believe that once you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. Instead, you’re pigeon-holed into becoming a caregiver for everyone around you but yourself.
Keke Palmer living her best life at Usher’s concert proves that she still has a life to live. Also, despite being a new mother, her post-partum glow-up and figure-hugging outfits, especially during a period when new parents often struggle with body image issues, are refreshing to witness.
You met her as a baddie, so why are you trying to make her a saddie?
Keke Palmer has never been one to shy away from wearing clothing that makes her feel sexy. This has been true of her for years, before both giving birth and meeting Jackson, so why was he surprised at what she was wearing?
Before the Usher concert, Jackson has posted images of himself in anything but drawers. He’s also taken images of Palmer near-naked, as well as featured in videos where she was twerking. This highlights how his desire for her to remain ‘respectful’ changes based on the situation and how much freedom she practices.
“The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He’s attracted to independent women. ‘He’s like an exotic bird collector,’ she said. ‘He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.‘”
Trevor Noah, Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood
Jackson likely thought that by having a baby with Keke Palmer, he would have ‘locked her down’ and kept her from living her best baddie life – but boy did she prove him wrong.
Redefining motherhood
Jackson’s comments about Palmer being a mother and needing to present herself in a particular way is rooted in archaic gender norms used to control women. This is especially true for mothers, as it’s easier to hold them to an unachievable standard of respectability.
This same energy is rarely ever given to fathers, including deadbeats, with single mothers being punished for being the parents that stayed and encouraged to ‘choose better partners to have children with’.
Yes, a man’s honour and public perception is attached to how his family and partner present themselves. But, if you’re so concerned about that, take a line out of Jay-Z’s book and put a ring on it. Even then, putting a ring on one’s finger does not give you the right to dictate how they dress or present themselves. Also, it’s not enough reason to admonish your partner on a public platform and open her up to incels who relish calling black women all types of derogatory names.
Motherhood is a blessing (so I’ve heard), but neither that, nor marriage, is enough reason to open up black women to blackmail, coercion or other forms of oppression.
Mothers are each superstars in their own right, and they deserve the chance to dress accordingly.
Pastry Playdates 
Great read!!
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